God only you...

Oh well, another one of those days I guess. I have been depressed since I woke up. Nothing seems to be going right today agian and her thoughts keep haunting me. I have no where to look now, even my friends have given up on me. And I am not even allowed to utter her name to them. And she won't even talk to me.

God only you can help me now, only you. God is the only person I can look to and maybe speak my mind to. Only he knows what we shared and since she is turning a blind eye to it all I only have God who can maybe understand. I look towards him and ask him how much longer is he gonna put me through this. Hasn't it been enough already? I mean I haven't cried so much in my life. And all this for someone I care about. And I believe I am a very normal human, I always try be honest and caring and never have bad intentions of anyone. I never try to even hurt anyone. I don't know what I have done wrong in my life now to be going through. I only loved her and that's all I did. I tried to be there for her whenever she needed me, and tried to give her all that I could. I tried to give her more happiness that even I could get for myself. Really God you know that I was happy to spend the rest of my life with her and God you know she is happy that way too, so why are you playing this cruel game on us both. God you have put her through life just as you have put me through, you have made her lose all faith in 'Love', God you know she is very very loving and caring and she needs to be loved and I love her more than myself. God you know I will never betray or leave her, you know I will always be there for her if she gave me a chance. God you know she can believe in 'Love' once again so why do you push her away so much? Why are you testing either me or her God?

I am grateful to you for giving me all the things I needed and for making me who I am till now, and for taking care of me and of her. God, in my life you have worked in very mysterious way, sometimes you made me lose my faith in you and sometimes you made me believe in you. I have always let a lot of people down, I never knew what I wanted and I always did a lot of wrong. But God finally after many many years after all what everyone went through I though maybe you finally looked upon us and I thought that finally you maybe thought about giving us a lot of happiness. Happiness of progress. God I want a family with her, I love her. God you know that I will never hurt her, so why do you put us through this. God don't make me lose my faith again, don't put me through this again, please God, I need a miracle. I do please help me out.

When you took away my Grandma, I didn't turn to you, I took it as a part of carried on, though everything in my life changed. Then you took my Grandpa away, it was shocking, but still I never turned to you, cause I took that as a part of life too, and carried on. I thought the next step in my life is here. I thought I needed to carry on now and start my family. When I came back here she was there for me, and gave me all the support I needed. Really God, I believed that this was it, that this girl is the one for me who I want to spend the rest of my life with. In that one night I grew up, I grew up all of a sudden. All of a sudden I didn't want to be any rally driver, or any rich man, I just wanted to be a the man for her. That's all I really wanted. Why did you do this to us? Why did you do this to me? and Why did you do this to her? And why are you still doing it? I will never understand any of it.