June, I had been really hurt and I am trying to get back to being normal. I still have a lot of feelings towards you and I don't think we can ever be able to be just friends. You mean a lot to me and I have shared a lot with you, its hard to be friends now. I have realized my mistakes and our shortcomings, I am willing to work on it, and I am willing to work on everything that was wrong between us. I know things will be very very different than how they were, but it does not have to mean it is for the worse. I can be friends, I mean I can spend time with you, and talk to you, and do things that friends do, but at the end of it all, I will still be in love with you, and would only be friends just to see if it leads us anywhere. I love you but when it comes to you I can't be second best to you. I am sorry.
June, like you said you are young, and you need to be young, and I understand that. At your age I was quite crazy too and I too made a lot of mistakes. And I guess you need to learn that on your own maybe without me, and you need to grow maybe on your own. And you'll do just fine, you are very a strong and positive person, you even took care of me for two years, I am sure you'll do just great. I understand that you had been going through a hard time in your life with your new college, Mom moving here and way I was, I hope things are better for you now. I know you have your exams and you don't need me right now in your life. Just concentrate on your studies because that's your future. I am sure they will be good and I have great confidence in you.
June, I am always there for you and I really care. If you ever need me you know how to get in touch. And this doesn't change anything about how I feel about you. I still love you as much as I ever did. And I still mean every word I have written in each of my emails to you. I still miss your smile, your lips, your eyes without lenses, and you drooling all over the pillow and your laughter, or how nice you looked in the new white top and how peaceful you were when you slept like a baby, or just looking at you playing in the sand in Goa or how you cared for the dogs who had no one. Or even tripping hard with you, or the Diwali we spent together, I'll never forget them, they are very beautiful memories to me and I will always cherish them. They were some of the best times in my life and I won't let go of those. As far as I go I still want to share my life with you, nothing has changed for me, maybe I have just realized myself what you meant to me.
June, this is one of the hardest emails I have ever written to you, but really being friends is just going to bring me more hurt, when I have just picked up the pieces, and it will push moving on for us both further away. If you don't want to love me then I think it's best not to attempt to be just friends yet, cause there is no place more lonely than being next to the person you love the most and not being loved in return. And I still love you a lot.
June, if ever something changes inside you and you feel we can be more than friends, or if ever you think we can maybe talk about us, or want to start over on a different note, or to maybe see if we want to even be with each other let me know. Cause there is nothing I want more than being together again. I feel there is so much unsaid between us even now, and if we would just calmly communicate to each other we could be so much better. If we are a just a bit more understanding and expressive about how we really feel inside, we could be happier than we ever were.
June, we have our differences but if we love each other enough we can make it work, even through it all, and through all that has happened. You can always email me and let me know how you are doing and how things are at your end, again you have my number and a phone isn't far if you ever need to talk. I still love you but its no longer about me or what I want, its about you June, its about if you know what you want. Or if you even want me, I want you like crazy but there is nothing I can do about it, I can't change your heart, I can only change mine.
Again, If you want to meet me or spend time with me to maybe see how we even feel around each other, I'd be more than glad to do that. Cause honestly, I don't even know how I'd will feel when I see you, I mean I love you endlessly, but now its been a very long time since I spent some time with you, or even saw you. Maybe you have changed maybe I have, I don't know.
Now take care of yourself, and nothing matters to you more than yourself, well you matter a lot to me but that's besides the point right now. Really Take Care of yourself you are worth it.
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