Where do I stand.

I finally spoke to her. And she told me she got busy on Monday and when she didn't see my call, she didn't call as she thought I must have been busy. What a joke I feel. She knew very well that I would have been back etc. And yes she did seem a bit eager to meet me yesterday and I told her I was out somewhere so I would se her in a few hours. A few hours after her call I went and met her and we drove around. I just wanted to know I guess what she had in mind. When asked what I did instead, I told her the truth which was I was out to a movie with some (girl)-friends.

At the end of it all this is what I gather from her. I asked her what she wanted and expected from us, as this is really hurting me, as I still love her a lot, and I was confused as to what she wanted. She told me she first wanted us to be friends, she wants to hold me, kiss me and meet me and spend time with me and but she wanted to get in touch as she really missed me, and that she could not take not knowing what I was up to, and said she couldn't deal with not knowing anything about someone she shared everything with for over 2 years.

If asked if she loved me, then she simply said if not why would she come to see me, and ofcourse she did a bit but not like before. She wanted me to be ok, and not be obsessed with her and to not be depressed about the whole thing that had happened between us first, and not to ever look sad to her. She said she doesn't want flowers or gifts or to be shown how much I love her but wants me to be just normal, to be just there for her, she said she knew what she meant to me. She said how can she want everything back she cut me off too for over a month completely, and I replied if you didn't why would you hold me and cry on friday. She had no reply but tears in her eyes, and simply asked me to drop her off.

I told her being friends like this is just going to push moving on for us further, and we should not really meet if she never wants to be with me. She simply said, I never said never ! I dont want it right now.
After which she had to leave, we discussed us a bit more, and she said, I will get everything I want just to give it time and to not ask for it. And then she gave me a big kiss like everything was great and ran off.

I feel, she misses me and thats why she called. But she is not ready to get back together. Hell ! How can she be ready for it when she put me thru it all. She is going thru some amount of guilt or feeling bad about the whole thing, I suspect that 'cause she wants to clarify stuff between us about the times when I got angry or the times when things went wrong, after the break up. She wants me to be ok with the whole thing as if she is justified in her decision of leaving me maybe. She wants her distance as well, because she doesn't give me her new number, but at the same time she wants me to be just there hanging cause she does make some effort to come out and meet me.

She told me she will call me the next day and maybe we can have dinner together with her Mom, lets see if she even calls. I dont know what to do, I mean what can I do? I think I will just see where it goes, she knows very clearly what my intentions are somehow I feel she just needs time to come around....