Chasing Ghosts

Today I am laughing at myself. Really I am. I am laughing at myself, and my how fate is treating me. I mean, let me just recall the last few days.

Thruday, 11 Dec.
She called me over for dinner. I took some flowers for her and went there. Things at frst were wierd for me, but soon enough I became comfortable and so did she. We had a nice time, we went out for a drive kissed a few times, came back and stay together till late nite and it was really nice. I really did have a great evening. And she we made plans to meet the next day.

Friday 12 Dec.
Called her in the evening. She said she would meet me whereever I was at. We met and She came with her roommate and her friends new guy. And I was there with a few friends. Whow She had completly changed. Yes she did look really nice, but changed not in that way, but in her attitude towards me. I mean she couldn't care less if I was there or not. She was completly indifferent. She then wanted to go home, and didnt't really want to even talk much. On the drive home, When I spoke about us, she just mad at me and threw a tantrum. Why does she do that when all she has to do is communicate? She said maybe it was a bad idea to even meet again cause she really doesn't want love at all. She wants me as a friend. She started to cry and simply siad: "See what you do to me.." What did I do, I just said I loved her. I mean, tell me what you feel June, even if you don't just be honest to yourself. The worst of it all was she told me she kissed me cause she didnt want me to feel hurt. Lady wasn't she the one who made contact? Wasn't she the one who cried in my arms a few days back?

Saturday 13 Dec.
we spoke, and she said to call her when I was leaving and tell her where I was going so that if She felt like seeing me she would come there. She knew where I was going anyway. I didn't call her. I went there with my friends and she was there with her. She came and said Hi and that is quite all we spoke about. Before leaving I just said "Bye" and left.

And today I get a message saying nope she now doesn't want to keep in touch again cause I was immature, and was angry at her. Whilst in all honesty I felt she didn't want to be with me. Or really talk or anything. I was never angry I simply said "Bye."

I guess I was writing this blog cause I never understood why we really parted, and cause i really loved her, but now after this one week, that I met her. I realized, yes I am chasing Ghosts. She is not who I love, the one I love died the day she walked out on me. She is not that, this girl I spent time with this week killed her long ago, she is not my June. That June meant her kisses, and that June meant her tears. That June liked the small things in life and was happy to be in love, and loved me. That June dead. I have to stop Chasing Ghosts.