Wrong side of the bed.

..I guess it is one of those days again where I woke up on the wrong side of the bed or had a dream about her. Yes it is hard to accept that the person I loved so dearly is now way out of my life. This morning I woke up and it was the same again, just thinking where she would be how she is and wondering if she even thinks of me now. Its hard to imagine two people so in love that they gave up everything whilst together and now nothing in the world can even get them to talk. June why have you gone so far away, I still miss you, you know and I still miss yo just the same.

Today is just gonna be one of those days when I know I am gonna miss her, they always start like this. It gets colder here each day and her warm smile I really miss. I miss her sleeping when I wake up. I miss her drool all over the bed. I miss her grinding her teeth when she slept, though I tried to stop her from it. I miss her two hours of getting ready and her just trying to straighten her hair. I miss her grumpy-ness when she is hungry, and I miss her shouting at me and telling me how to spend my money. I miss how she would love to be on the computer and we would have to fight to play on it. I miss her putting on new clothes and getting happy about it. I miss her, I miss doing all the dumb things in the house, and her innocent laughter, I miss her so much, I miss my little baby.. I just can't tell her though :-( Its amazing how the little things that would annoy you about a person now become the very things that one really misses.

I can write in all my posts/blogs how much we were not meant for each other, but that's to keep me strong. There is only her and I who knew what we had shared and no one else. No one else will ever understand what she means to me and even through all this hurt and pain she has caused me and is causing me I still love her nonetheless. No it wasn't love at first sight or anything like that, we fell in love with each other in time slowly and once we did or I can at least say it for me there was no looking back.

Wherever you are, I hope you are happy. Wherever you are, if you need me I am always there. Wherever you are, I will still love you. To me it is still not easy to let go, maybe I never will and will always have a place for you I don't know. As of now we are not even allowed to really tell each other how we even feel. If you had only know how much I loved you, and if maybe even I had known what you meant to me earlier in time maybe just maybe we will not be this way today. I not longer expect anything so much so that we will ever even meet properly, but I do sincerely hope for so much more.

Now it is all lost, and like the waves come and wash the sands, I too am waiting for all my dreams to get washed away. I just don't know why we build things that we feel can't last?