...I don't know if it is getting any easier.I mean yes it is getting easier, I have realized that, my tears or feeling sad is not going to get me any where it has been months now I guess and I still miss her nonetheless but now at least I am crying or sad about it. At least I am trying to keep busy and moving on. But do I really want to move on?
..She let me a little note day before saying she missed me too, but I don't know what to make of it. I miss her like hell but how can I tell her that now. When she has asked me to stay away form her and has told me she doesn't want to keep in touch. I don't even have the strength to reply to her as I am just scared of being more hurt. I dont think she has anything to say that I would like to hear. And I too really don't know what I want to hear, that could make things better. Infact I don't even know what better is.
...I think I need to first know what I want. Before I can even think of wanting her back. Do I really want someone who left me the way she did back in my life? Do I really want her to be behaving the why she is right now towards me and I would be fine? Do I want her to be the way she has already gone back to ? Do I still see her as the same June who walked out of the door, breaking all your dreams? Do I want June really back after all she put me through? Do I ? Do I realize that even if she did want to get back with you things will never be the same? She will never be able to live with you and will always have her Mom to deal with and her issues? Things will never be the same as what they were do I really want her? Or do I really just want my comfort zone?
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