This is probably the last entry for a while if ever I do write again here it would be after a while. This has got ot be the best Christmas ever for me, I must say. I thought God would help me and not make me feel worse on that day.
Oh Well ! It was all going fine till she had to call and let me know that she was out with her 'Charlie' friends and ofcourse she had to also tell me she was out with her ex make-out buddy too.
Really I am crazy, and blind. I am getting treated like a dog here and I am still sending her I miss you msgs, and I am still saying I love her. Whow something must be wrong with me, why can I not see that I am not being treated fairly.
Leave it now thats just it, A New Year, A New Life, A New Beginning I really welcome it all.
Thanks Blog :-) for being there on so many lonley nights and for seeing me thru a lot pain and tears. Thank you.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
I miss her
1. I miss her just being next to me.
2. I miss being important to her.
3. I miss her calling me and asking me nothing at all.
4. I miss her voice
5. I miss her smile and her lips.
6. I miss drooling on my bed.
7. I miss trippping with her and when we could just spend house together
8. I miss holding her
9. I miss being there for her whenever she needed someone
10. I miss her taking care of the house.
11. I miss her shouting at me for wasting my money.
12. I miss her cooking for me and me cooking for her.
13. I miss her telling me what she read in the paper that day.
14. I miss her discovering something new on the net and telling me about it.
15. I miss her playing Tomb Raider or destroying my Comp. with Dynasty warriors, or playing & sins for hours with her.
16. I miss her playing with the dogs, though I got mad she knew I cared about the dogs too.
17. I miss her taking 2 hours on the weekend to get ready.
18. I miss her shaking her leg for nothing at all.
19. I miss her laughter in the house.
20. I miss getting drunk with her, and she would tell me not to as I would get emotional.
21. I miss her spending hours struggling to straighten her hair.
22. I miss how we would fight for nothing at all.
23. I miss wiping her tears whenever they came.
24. I miss choosing clothes for her and what she should wear.
25. I miss her coming with me to my fish shops, and to MG and all the places.
26. I miss kissing her every morning in her sleep.
27. I miss waking up next to her each day.
28. I miss her kiss when I am at the door leaving for work.
29. I miss her being there when I got home.
30. I miss her telling me what looked nice on me and what didn't.
31. I miss her tripping with me.
32. I miss the Christmas's we spent together and I miss my Diwali with her.
33. I miss travelling with hre to Goa and making out on the sand.
34. I miss smoking around me though it would fry me, I still miss it.
35. I miss her doing work for me, like my bank and getting food for me cause I was an ass.
36. I miss going out and partying with her whenever we did cause though I never made her feel this way she was the cutest person I ahve ever partyed with.
37. I miss her making me feel complete, and not wanting more.
38. I miss her cause with her in all honesty I didnt want to be with anyone else.
39. I miss her cause I know though she lied to me, she did it so I wont get upset or angry at her.
40. I miss her caring for little things in the world.
41. I miss her running away each evening when either her Mom or Dad would call.
42. I miss her talking to my family about me, and they knew I am fine then.
43. I miss waiting for hours for her to finally come home.
44. I miss planning where all we would go and what we would do.
45. I miss her getting angry at me.
46. I miss the feeling that we would spend this lifetime together
47. I miss trying to make her understand why I dont like her wearing what she wears at times.
48. I miss her coming with me to Peter Dias, or her talking to him.
49. I miss her eyes without lenses, and how it makes me weak when I lok into them.
50. I miss waking her up for college.
51. I miss her making me coffee in the morning when she did.
52. I miss arguing with me for the cooler place on our bed.
53. I miss her telling me not to drive fast, and telling others how safe she felt in my car with me.
54. I miss her fighting with me and trying to sleep outside in the living room only for me to come and get her inside.
55. I miss how it burnt me inside when you gave your attention to others though I always tried to play it cool.
56. I miss her playing with her fish (The gold fish and the bowl)
57. I miss her showing me her new clothes whenever she bought them.
58. I miss her telling me she loved me without saying a word about it.,
59. I miss us how we could never even drop eachother off.
60. I miss caring for her more than anything.
61. I miss feeling that my life had a meaning with her.
62. I miss her there for Diwali in Donis' house when all she did was hold me for hours and hours.
63. I miss driving all the way to Goa with me.
64. I miss jumping for room to room when I always lost our room key.
65. I miss her in her sweet bikini playing in the sand next to me.
66. I miss walking with her on the beach.
67. I miss sitting with her on the beach and talking about nothing endlessly.
68. I miss her throwing her tantrum, and then getting upset cause she did.
69. I miss taking her to Prerna's place and wait for her, though I made faces it was still nice to take her out.
70. I miss her Jumping when "Gerrad Scored!!" or when Torres did.
71. I miss her waking me up, when I would fall off to sleep for no reason.
72. I miss the way she would eat with a Zillion spices.
73. I miss coming home to her.
74. I miss calling her from office when I am bored or troubled.
75. I miss happy nature, and her being positive about everything;.
76. I miss her telling me what all she wanted in her life.
77. I miss her talking about Charlie and Cezar and Calcutta, she alwasy seemed so happy about it.
78. I miss her taking me arounf the colony on her bike though I was pertified.
79. I miss her confidence and faith in life.
80. I miss her putting wierd nail polish and stinking up the huse.
81. I miss her taking her own pictures form the camera.
82. I miss her collection of womens magzines, and how she would get excited to see a new one.
83. I miss her complaining about Mom and Dad and then 10 mins later telling me why she loves them nonetheless.
84. I miss her innocence and her devilness at the same time.
85. I miss how she knew excatly what I would like and what I wouldn't
86. I miss her smell and the way her kisses mean so much.
87. I miss making love to her and holding her close.
88. I miss her wearing my T Shirts I always thought she looked super in those.
89. I miss her meeting Rahim with me.
90. I miss her making me always stop for MoMo's at Dorabjees.
91. I miss her telling me stories of Meerkut Manor.
92. I miss her leaving the Tap on the shower position so I would get soaked !!
93. "Na Samaj Doggie Tumne Mujhe Cartoon Bana Diya Booga Booga Booga"
94. I miss her asking me to come out and watch movies with her, what would I not pay now for it
95. I miss her choosing things for the house with me.
96. I miss her telling me what all needs to finxed in the house.
97. I miss her shouting at me when I would not have lunch.
98. I miss her sharing my happiness and my sadness.
99. I miss everything about her, the good, the bad, the ugly, the pain, the joy, the laughter, the sadness, the tear everything.
100. I miss you, June.
2. I miss being important to her.
3. I miss her calling me and asking me nothing at all.
4. I miss her voice
5. I miss her smile and her lips.
6. I miss drooling on my bed.
7. I miss trippping with her and when we could just spend house together
8. I miss holding her
9. I miss being there for her whenever she needed someone
10. I miss her taking care of the house.
11. I miss her shouting at me for wasting my money.
12. I miss her cooking for me and me cooking for her.
13. I miss her telling me what she read in the paper that day.
14. I miss her discovering something new on the net and telling me about it.
15. I miss her playing Tomb Raider or destroying my Comp. with Dynasty warriors, or playing & sins for hours with her.
16. I miss her playing with the dogs, though I got mad she knew I cared about the dogs too.
17. I miss her taking 2 hours on the weekend to get ready.
18. I miss her shaking her leg for nothing at all.
19. I miss her laughter in the house.
20. I miss getting drunk with her, and she would tell me not to as I would get emotional.
21. I miss her spending hours struggling to straighten her hair.
22. I miss how we would fight for nothing at all.
23. I miss wiping her tears whenever they came.
24. I miss choosing clothes for her and what she should wear.
25. I miss her coming with me to my fish shops, and to MG and all the places.
26. I miss kissing her every morning in her sleep.
27. I miss waking up next to her each day.
28. I miss her kiss when I am at the door leaving for work.
29. I miss her being there when I got home.
30. I miss her telling me what looked nice on me and what didn't.
31. I miss her tripping with me.
32. I miss the Christmas's we spent together and I miss my Diwali with her.
33. I miss travelling with hre to Goa and making out on the sand.
34. I miss smoking around me though it would fry me, I still miss it.
35. I miss her doing work for me, like my bank and getting food for me cause I was an ass.
36. I miss going out and partying with her whenever we did cause though I never made her feel this way she was the cutest person I ahve ever partyed with.
37. I miss her making me feel complete, and not wanting more.
38. I miss her cause with her in all honesty I didnt want to be with anyone else.
39. I miss her cause I know though she lied to me, she did it so I wont get upset or angry at her.
40. I miss her caring for little things in the world.
41. I miss her running away each evening when either her Mom or Dad would call.
42. I miss her talking to my family about me, and they knew I am fine then.
43. I miss waiting for hours for her to finally come home.
44. I miss planning where all we would go and what we would do.
45. I miss her getting angry at me.
46. I miss the feeling that we would spend this lifetime together
47. I miss trying to make her understand why I dont like her wearing what she wears at times.
48. I miss her coming with me to Peter Dias, or her talking to him.
49. I miss her eyes without lenses, and how it makes me weak when I lok into them.
50. I miss waking her up for college.
51. I miss her making me coffee in the morning when she did.
52. I miss arguing with me for the cooler place on our bed.
53. I miss her telling me not to drive fast, and telling others how safe she felt in my car with me.
54. I miss her fighting with me and trying to sleep outside in the living room only for me to come and get her inside.
55. I miss how it burnt me inside when you gave your attention to others though I always tried to play it cool.
56. I miss her playing with her fish (The gold fish and the bowl)
57. I miss her showing me her new clothes whenever she bought them.
58. I miss her telling me she loved me without saying a word about it.,
59. I miss us how we could never even drop eachother off.
60. I miss caring for her more than anything.
61. I miss feeling that my life had a meaning with her.
62. I miss her there for Diwali in Donis' house when all she did was hold me for hours and hours.
63. I miss driving all the way to Goa with me.
64. I miss jumping for room to room when I always lost our room key.
65. I miss her in her sweet bikini playing in the sand next to me.
66. I miss walking with her on the beach.
67. I miss sitting with her on the beach and talking about nothing endlessly.
68. I miss her throwing her tantrum, and then getting upset cause she did.
69. I miss taking her to Prerna's place and wait for her, though I made faces it was still nice to take her out.
70. I miss her Jumping when "Gerrad Scored!!" or when Torres did.
71. I miss her waking me up, when I would fall off to sleep for no reason.
72. I miss the way she would eat with a Zillion spices.
73. I miss coming home to her.
74. I miss calling her from office when I am bored or troubled.
75. I miss happy nature, and her being positive about everything;.
76. I miss her telling me what all she wanted in her life.
77. I miss her talking about Charlie and Cezar and Calcutta, she alwasy seemed so happy about it.
78. I miss her taking me arounf the colony on her bike though I was pertified.
79. I miss her confidence and faith in life.
80. I miss her putting wierd nail polish and stinking up the huse.
81. I miss her taking her own pictures form the camera.
82. I miss her collection of womens magzines, and how she would get excited to see a new one.
83. I miss her complaining about Mom and Dad and then 10 mins later telling me why she loves them nonetheless.
84. I miss her innocence and her devilness at the same time.
85. I miss how she knew excatly what I would like and what I wouldn't
86. I miss her smell and the way her kisses mean so much.
87. I miss making love to her and holding her close.
88. I miss her wearing my T Shirts I always thought she looked super in those.
89. I miss her meeting Rahim with me.
90. I miss her making me always stop for MoMo's at Dorabjees.
91. I miss her telling me stories of Meerkut Manor.
92. I miss her leaving the Tap on the shower position so I would get soaked !!
93. "Na Samaj Doggie Tumne Mujhe Cartoon Bana Diya Booga Booga Booga"
94. I miss her asking me to come out and watch movies with her, what would I not pay now for it
95. I miss her choosing things for the house with me.
96. I miss her telling me what all needs to finxed in the house.
97. I miss her shouting at me when I would not have lunch.
98. I miss her sharing my happiness and my sadness.
99. I miss everything about her, the good, the bad, the ugly, the pain, the joy, the laughter, the sadness, the tear everything.
100. I miss you, June.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
What am I fighting for.
Yesterday I met her in the evening. The past week she had been leaving me msgs on my GTalk so I thought I would finally call her after a few weeks and since it was Monday, I thought it was good enough to talk to her. So I did, and she said we could meet in the evening.
We go out drive around a bit and talk generally about how the weekend was and where all each of us partyed etc. Go to the fuel pump, and to buy the cats food, and kept the conversation light. I picked her up form the cafe' again and dropped her off there after an hour or so.
Well the positive, was the she was happy to drive around, and for once she herself said we could keep driving longer and we did till she was getting late. She herself offered to go out and get the cat food when I asked her to sit and wait till I did so. She seemed happier than me to see me and wasn't really angry at all. Said I could call her anytime, but not too much, and on her phone itself.
The negative, well I guess this was all inside me or all because I expected too much secretly I guess. I mean I knew when I went there I would be giving her space and not touching her or coming close and I did exactly that. But yes I did want to kiss her and hug her but its OK that's not a privileged I have now. Before leaving we hugged and said bye.
But what has changed, I feel something inside me is changing. I mean after yesterday, I realized that what I really miss is My June, the June who lived with me and who loved me endlessly. I don't miss this woman sitting in my car, and no I don't want to go out and make the effort to make her feel whatever she wants to feel. I mean I am honest and I don't want to play games to be with someone, I believe that love should be enough, but sometimes I guess Love is just not enough. I also have to ask what I really want if I want June she would never be back how she was unless it is way way after wards in life. She will never move in with me unless I marry her, and we will never be able to travel like we did and nor would we be able to be with each other like we did so really what am I looking for? what am I fighting for? When I know that what we shared will never come back to how it was. Yes it can be different and more beautiful, but it wont be the same.
We go out drive around a bit and talk generally about how the weekend was and where all each of us partyed etc. Go to the fuel pump, and to buy the cats food, and kept the conversation light. I picked her up form the cafe' again and dropped her off there after an hour or so.
Well the positive, was the she was happy to drive around, and for once she herself said we could keep driving longer and we did till she was getting late. She herself offered to go out and get the cat food when I asked her to sit and wait till I did so. She seemed happier than me to see me and wasn't really angry at all. Said I could call her anytime, but not too much, and on her phone itself.
The negative, well I guess this was all inside me or all because I expected too much secretly I guess. I mean I knew when I went there I would be giving her space and not touching her or coming close and I did exactly that. But yes I did want to kiss her and hug her but its OK that's not a privileged I have now. Before leaving we hugged and said bye.
But what has changed, I feel something inside me is changing. I mean after yesterday, I realized that what I really miss is My June, the June who lived with me and who loved me endlessly. I don't miss this woman sitting in my car, and no I don't want to go out and make the effort to make her feel whatever she wants to feel. I mean I am honest and I don't want to play games to be with someone, I believe that love should be enough, but sometimes I guess Love is just not enough. I also have to ask what I really want if I want June she would never be back how she was unless it is way way after wards in life. She will never move in with me unless I marry her, and we will never be able to travel like we did and nor would we be able to be with each other like we did so really what am I looking for? what am I fighting for? When I know that what we shared will never come back to how it was. Yes it can be different and more beautiful, but it wont be the same.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
What do I write?
What do I write? What has changed what is new? Really Nothing at all. The weekend came and went, I was out both nights and slept all day during the day, each night I missed her and each day I prayed for her to maybe call or send me a note saying hello. But no, none so whatsoever. Last she left me a msg on Saturday on GTalk, but I had to setp out so I simply replied, "I have to go if you wanna talk you can call me." But I know she won't call for atleast a few months, but I know I wait and hope in vain.
What is hope?
"Zeus did not want man to throw his life away, no matter how much the other evils might torment him, but rather to go on letting himself be tormented anew. To that end, he gives man hope. In truth, it is the most evil of evils because it prolongs man's torment."
I will leave the post to just that. Cause it says more than I have to write about my state, its only Hope that is my ally I thought but after reading the above quote it is the worst possible ally.
What is hope?
"Zeus did not want man to throw his life away, no matter how much the other evils might torment him, but rather to go on letting himself be tormented anew. To that end, he gives man hope. In truth, it is the most evil of evils because it prolongs man's torment."
I will leave the post to just that. Cause it says more than I have to write about my state, its only Hope that is my ally I thought but after reading the above quote it is the worst possible ally.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Not much left to write.
I haven't written for a few days, thats only because I dot know what to write. Like I wrote before I am exhausted. Exhausted of ideas or even of things to do. I mean she knows I love her and I really do. But now I am helpless, the things she has said and done push me really far from her.
She hugs and kisses me and then tells me they were lies. She calls me a stalker and shouts at me in a restaurant. I give her space she wants and then also I am wrong. She won't even give me her number when she can give it to everyone else. One day she calls me for dinner the next she never wants to keep in touch. One day she is so in love the other so very indifferent.
What can I do really? I want to call her and meet her but now I ask myself where would that lead me to? If I call her what will I gain, she will only call me a stalker or tell me she doesn't want to see me which will put me back to the ground again and will break me. All I can do is hope for her heart to change, I can only hope she finds the love in me that she is looking for, I can only hope that one day she would mean what she says and she would make me believe her words more than saying she loves me.
She hugs and kisses me and then tells me they were lies. She calls me a stalker and shouts at me in a restaurant. I give her space she wants and then also I am wrong. She won't even give me her number when she can give it to everyone else. One day she calls me for dinner the next she never wants to keep in touch. One day she is so in love the other so very indifferent.
What can I do really? I want to call her and meet her but now I ask myself where would that lead me to? If I call her what will I gain, she will only call me a stalker or tell me she doesn't want to see me which will put me back to the ground again and will break me. All I can do is hope for her heart to change, I can only hope she finds the love in me that she is looking for, I can only hope that one day she would mean what she says and she would make me believe her words more than saying she loves me.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
God only you...
Oh well, another one of those days I guess. I have been depressed since I woke up. Nothing seems to be going right today agian and her thoughts keep haunting me. I have no where to look now, even my friends have given up on me. And I am not even allowed to utter her name to them. And she won't even talk to me.
God only you can help me now, only you. God is the only person I can look to and maybe speak my mind to. Only he knows what we shared and since she is turning a blind eye to it all I only have God who can maybe understand. I look towards him and ask him how much longer is he gonna put me through this. Hasn't it been enough already? I mean I haven't cried so much in my life. And all this for someone I care about. And I believe I am a very normal human, I always try be honest and caring and never have bad intentions of anyone. I never try to even hurt anyone. I don't know what I have done wrong in my life now to be going through. I only loved her and that's all I did. I tried to be there for her whenever she needed me, and tried to give her all that I could. I tried to give her more happiness that even I could get for myself. Really God you know that I was happy to spend the rest of my life with her and God you know she is happy that way too, so why are you playing this cruel game on us both. God you have put her through life just as you have put me through, you have made her lose all faith in 'Love', God you know she is very very loving and caring and she needs to be loved and I love her more than myself. God you know I will never betray or leave her, you know I will always be there for her if she gave me a chance. God you know she can believe in 'Love' once again so why do you push her away so much? Why are you testing either me or her God?
I am grateful to you for giving me all the things I needed and for making me who I am till now, and for taking care of me and of her. God, in my life you have worked in very mysterious way, sometimes you made me lose my faith in you and sometimes you made me believe in you. I have always let a lot of people down, I never knew what I wanted and I always did a lot of wrong. But God finally after many many years after all what everyone went through I though maybe you finally looked upon us and I thought that finally you maybe thought about giving us a lot of happiness. Happiness of progress. God I want a family with her, I love her. God you know that I will never hurt her, so why do you put us through this. God don't make me lose my faith again, don't put me through this again, please God, I need a miracle. I do please help me out.
When you took away my Grandma, I didn't turn to you, I took it as a part of carried on, though everything in my life changed. Then you took my Grandpa away, it was shocking, but still I never turned to you, cause I took that as a part of life too, and carried on. I thought the next step in my life is here. I thought I needed to carry on now and start my family. When I came back here she was there for me, and gave me all the support I needed. Really God, I believed that this was it, that this girl is the one for me who I want to spend the rest of my life with. In that one night I grew up, I grew up all of a sudden. All of a sudden I didn't want to be any rally driver, or any rich man, I just wanted to be a the man for her. That's all I really wanted. Why did you do this to us? Why did you do this to me? and Why did you do this to her? And why are you still doing it? I will never understand any of it.
God only you can help me now, only you. God is the only person I can look to and maybe speak my mind to. Only he knows what we shared and since she is turning a blind eye to it all I only have God who can maybe understand. I look towards him and ask him how much longer is he gonna put me through this. Hasn't it been enough already? I mean I haven't cried so much in my life. And all this for someone I care about. And I believe I am a very normal human, I always try be honest and caring and never have bad intentions of anyone. I never try to even hurt anyone. I don't know what I have done wrong in my life now to be going through. I only loved her and that's all I did. I tried to be there for her whenever she needed me, and tried to give her all that I could. I tried to give her more happiness that even I could get for myself. Really God you know that I was happy to spend the rest of my life with her and God you know she is happy that way too, so why are you playing this cruel game on us both. God you have put her through life just as you have put me through, you have made her lose all faith in 'Love', God you know she is very very loving and caring and she needs to be loved and I love her more than myself. God you know I will never betray or leave her, you know I will always be there for her if she gave me a chance. God you know she can believe in 'Love' once again so why do you push her away so much? Why are you testing either me or her God?
I am grateful to you for giving me all the things I needed and for making me who I am till now, and for taking care of me and of her. God, in my life you have worked in very mysterious way, sometimes you made me lose my faith in you and sometimes you made me believe in you. I have always let a lot of people down, I never knew what I wanted and I always did a lot of wrong. But God finally after many many years after all what everyone went through I though maybe you finally looked upon us and I thought that finally you maybe thought about giving us a lot of happiness. Happiness of progress. God I want a family with her, I love her. God you know that I will never hurt her, so why do you put us through this. God don't make me lose my faith again, don't put me through this again, please God, I need a miracle. I do please help me out.
When you took away my Grandma, I didn't turn to you, I took it as a part of carried on, though everything in my life changed. Then you took my Grandpa away, it was shocking, but still I never turned to you, cause I took that as a part of life too, and carried on. I thought the next step in my life is here. I thought I needed to carry on now and start my family. When I came back here she was there for me, and gave me all the support I needed. Really God, I believed that this was it, that this girl is the one for me who I want to spend the rest of my life with. In that one night I grew up, I grew up all of a sudden. All of a sudden I didn't want to be any rally driver, or any rich man, I just wanted to be a the man for her. That's all I really wanted. Why did you do this to us? Why did you do this to me? and Why did you do this to her? And why are you still doing it? I will never understand any of it.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Exhausted Emotionally.
Well where do I start today? Today I dont even feel like writing in this blog. I mean I somehow feel tired. I mean mentally exhausted. I don't even want to think of her or think of her feelings, or I dont want to analyze anything. I am just sick and really really tired of all this.
Ok I spoke to her, I left a message for her to call. And surprisingly she did call back. I spoke to her for a few minutes and told her I will call back. Then I first went to a card shop bought a sorry card for her and called her back and asked if I could see her somewhere and I had something to give her. She said she just saw me drive past so I should turn around and meet her where she is having her lunch. I met her there with her roommate, and then gave her the card, and asked if I could maybe sit for a bit. And she said ofcourse. But then it started, for the next 20 mins all she did was Shout at me and tell me what all I have done wrong and what all I said that she didnt like and that she wanted to leave town and be gone and wants to never seem me. She was so angry that I could not get thru to her no matter what I said. I excused myself and left for a bit.I went to the card shop again and bought like 10 I am sorry cards and went back and gave it to her. She wasnt really amused but started to calm down atleast. Then we spoke for a bit but her stand didnt change she never wanted to be back in touch.
Then we went for a smoke outside, she was more calm now and atleast spoke to me calmly. And said she is not angry at me anymore and understands it was a misunderstanding, but thought we should not keep in touch because she has had a very harrowing week with me. I agreed, to whatever she had to say, then while walking back I suggested maybe if I would could buy her a magzine, to which she smiled and agreed, it started from there. Then we started to speak like we were much better she was now smiling and seemed much happier. Bought a few magzines, for her and we looked around books, she now left her roomie somewhere. Then she spent more time with me we walked around the mall and looked at things for me and for her. We said we would meet again and maybe do this again. We window shopped and yes we had a nice evening, and she said I can call her on her rommies phone but she would still not give me her number.
Then it was getting late so I told her I needed to go and I left. Later that night, I was told she was out somewhere partying which I didnt really care cause I was doing exactly the same thing just at another night club.
I mean it was a nice evening and all but I really dont know anything. I mean she has started to make me feel really really sick of myself and me in general. I mean I do so much for her, I bend in each way to accomodate her and to make her happy and she really doesn't make any effort in return. I really dont want to be in a relation with somone who treats me like this. really I am tired now.
Ok I spoke to her, I left a message for her to call. And surprisingly she did call back. I spoke to her for a few minutes and told her I will call back. Then I first went to a card shop bought a sorry card for her and called her back and asked if I could see her somewhere and I had something to give her. She said she just saw me drive past so I should turn around and meet her where she is having her lunch. I met her there with her roommate, and then gave her the card, and asked if I could maybe sit for a bit. And she said ofcourse. But then it started, for the next 20 mins all she did was Shout at me and tell me what all I have done wrong and what all I said that she didnt like and that she wanted to leave town and be gone and wants to never seem me. She was so angry that I could not get thru to her no matter what I said. I excused myself and left for a bit.I went to the card shop again and bought like 10 I am sorry cards and went back and gave it to her. She wasnt really amused but started to calm down atleast. Then we spoke for a bit but her stand didnt change she never wanted to be back in touch.
Then we went for a smoke outside, she was more calm now and atleast spoke to me calmly. And said she is not angry at me anymore and understands it was a misunderstanding, but thought we should not keep in touch because she has had a very harrowing week with me. I agreed, to whatever she had to say, then while walking back I suggested maybe if I would could buy her a magzine, to which she smiled and agreed, it started from there. Then we started to speak like we were much better she was now smiling and seemed much happier. Bought a few magzines, for her and we looked around books, she now left her roomie somewhere. Then she spent more time with me we walked around the mall and looked at things for me and for her. We said we would meet again and maybe do this again. We window shopped and yes we had a nice evening, and she said I can call her on her rommies phone but she would still not give me her number.
Then it was getting late so I told her I needed to go and I left. Later that night, I was told she was out somewhere partying which I didnt really care cause I was doing exactly the same thing just at another night club.
I mean it was a nice evening and all but I really dont know anything. I mean she has started to make me feel really really sick of myself and me in general. I mean I do so much for her, I bend in each way to accomodate her and to make her happy and she really doesn't make any effort in return. I really dont want to be in a relation with somone who treats me like this. really I am tired now.
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