let me recollect the month

June,

One day before valentines you tell me you would like to see me, I like a retard go out and am so happy,
Go out get whatever you wished for, and believe that you are on your college trip. Later I learn it is all lies you tell me,
I dont say anything yes I am mad at you for lieing to me, but what can I say right? I am no one to you. Like a retard I go
and smell all the perfumes you wanted, and choose something we both liked and in return I get what from you June,
I get lies from you telling me you on a college trip.

Then you come back, and you call me accuse me of telling your Mom etc, I dont say anything even then.
Then you spend time with me, and we say we will make things better between us and see where it leads us,
and yes I feel we are making progress.
Then you mail Pawan from my place thinking I am a sleep, and even though I know about it, you constantly lie to me about it,
I dont say anything even though I know you lie to me so much to my face, even when I confront you, you lie to me about it.
Why June, what do you want from me?

Then YOU tell me you would like to come out partying even when Aliya etc are in town with me, as we are trying to make
things better and who cared as long as we were happy together, that very night you again push me away, slam the door on me
and throw me out of your house!! I am really upset that day too and you know it, but the next day I didnt say anything did I?
Infact I called you again, like a retard cause you said you were sorry, and we go out to Gaia etc and then again you tell me you
dont want to be close to me in public cause maybe I am not good enough for you now, caue maybe when yuo with me you dont
get the attention from all other men, or maybe I will ask who they are. Why did you want to meet Aliya etc and chill with me last
weekend if you anyway wanted nothing from me? Do you know what it has been not only for me, but from Aliya and Aly when you left me it
wasn't really nice you know and they both were really on my side and for you I even lied to my closet friends, and explained to them that we
are happy together etc, I didnt explain to them lies did I?

Then we have a nice week together, you call me for dinner even, and come by whenever you want too, and we spend so much time together,
We make love, and hold eachother close you give me silence in return to my I love you's and still I hold you close, and not even shed a tear,
believing that somehow somewhere you too do love me, and then a few hours later I am again no one to you?

We spend all week together, we hug at the station, and I drop you off, and you seem happy, I even had tears in my eyes dropping you off,
but to you they don't mean anything you tell me I am not your boyfriend and thats why I can't come, I dont say anything I simply accept what my fate is,
and drive back to my office, who cares about me right as long as Cinderella/SnowWhite/SleepingBeauty is having fun. I even go out get you whatever you might need there,
your lenses, we look for your cream I try to get you anything you might need there to be happy and have fun. You tell me you will call how many times?
And really I can probably count the number of times you have called me on one hand. You tell me you didnt have your phone and missed me, why June when
you actions speak so much louder than words? Why June do you do this to me?

You get back, I pick you up cause yes I missed you a lot, and I ask you if it is possible to maybe spend the day with you? What do you do?
You dont even care if I am taking a day off to spend with you, and do things YOU want to do. What do you do? You simply forget all about it and pass out?
Do you know how I feel to call your Mom and ask for you? It is horrible but I thought you wanted to see me thats why...And then again what do I do? NOTHING
I dont even say anything, yes I am a bit hurt that I take a day off for you, when you know I am not really allowed to, and you dont even care.

Then the next day you cal and come by, you offer to pick me up and even drop me off. You come by and chill on facebook, and play on the comp and are gone
before or as soon as I get home, how should I feel, should I feel you came to meet me or to update your facebook, and play your games? I want to spend time wth you,
so I even like to go shoppinjg with your Mom just cause I want to learn more about you, justcause I want to understand you better, just cause I want to break the walls we
have built, I try to do everything June.

Then we go out wth your friends, it is fine with me I am happy as long as you are. I dont come close to you or even touch you. Why June thought I wanted to
it is cause you had warned me before not to do so. And I keep my distance, and stil that is too much for you. If you dont remember I told you I didnt want to go out with you,
cause I feel you just push me away and it is not nice try to remember. Did I not discuss that? But who cares right as long as you are having fun.

Then we dont get 5 mins together maybe all day on saturday when you even promised we would do something for us that night, and what is that something for us June, it
is somehting for you and Mr XYZ whoever you pick for the night, and tell me I am not good enough to enter with you. I am good enough to make love to you, or for you have
sex with you but I am not good enough to be seen around in public with you? Think about how you treat me.

You sent me atleast 5 I am sorry yesterday for not spending time with me, for what June? Why do you apologise to me, when you clearly dont even mean it? No it is not a big deal
if you call me at 8:30 instead of 5:30. It is no bigdeal at all for you at all. Who cares what I said to Nanu he is my little dog, I will meet him anytime and he will still love me as much.
Then today you tell me you would sms me when you get time, and then what ? You didnt get time to even call? Or maybe you didnt call cause really what do you have to say in return
what will you speak to me? Right? Like last night you clearly asked me what I wanted from that conversation, whereas you had you point very clear, and it was "Nanu I am here partying
with whoever I want and I dont want you around, and wtf. will you do." thats exactly what it meant.

June I can honestly say I dont think you have even read my mail, cause if you have any dignity in yourself or your words or actions, or any respect for me you would not treat me this way.
June you yourself know you dont treat me fairly, why June what have I done?
How much will you hurt me June how much? Honestly tell me was it not enough the first time? You know I love you so much that I change my life for you,
then why do you play with me life? Why do you play with me like this? June yes I hurt you alot in the last 2 years and I have suffered a lot for it, you have no idea what I ahve gone thru,
and really it is my sincer hope that you never have to even see anyone going thru that. I was so shattered I could not work, I could not eat, I had to go on vacation, I wrote to you ever
day of my life, I wrote so much that even when I go thru my sent mails it brings a tear to realise what I went thru, I stopped going out to clubs in pune cause I might see you, I started going to
bombay everyweekend to be away from YOU!!! you didnt have to sleep in the same bed we made love in and shared for years, you didnt have to take care of the cat or the fish we got together,
you didnt have to live where we did, it all changed for you and you got over it, but nothing fucin changed for me.

Then why do you have to do this to me again? June is it fun to see me like this for you? Is it fun to see someone so hurt for you. I know it might give you an ego boost that
somoene is so in love with you, but are you being fair to him? And now you tell me I FORCED you to come by, where as you neevr wanted. How would I feel about that?
June wtf. is this all about June what the fuck is it about? Is it about revenge? Is it for your kicks? was all this to see if I have become good enough for you? June whatever you
are doing you are playing with my life June, you are playing with my life and you know it so very well, you even know how you drive me psycho. Why June, please again I just tell you to have mercy on me,
I know I have hurt you in the past but if you cant tell I am not back in your life to do that, I only love you still so dont do this to me June dont do this to me. I never ever treated you like this over and over agian.
You hate to see me cry or is that too a lie? How much have you lied to me you know?

Then to top it all just before leaving you give me hug and tell me that everything is ok between us. Like that is supposed to make me feel better, you probably hugged and kissed,
endless number of guys at the party, so waht should one more for me make any difference? June I am human, and I love you, you can treat me however you want June, I am not going
to say anything, cause you know I have this weakness for you, but you also know you are not bein fair to me, and you know what that too is fine, I believe in Karma, maybe I deserve this
for some sins of mine, or maybe one day you would get treated the way you treat me by someone. June dont do this to me, dont kill me over and over again.
You have no idea what I go thru June you have no idea, dont play with me like this please. Have some mercy June have some mercy, dont treat me this way, I have not done any crime
that you are doing this to me. This past month all I have done is tried to keep you happy.