This life is not fair ..

This life is not fair not fucking fair at all.
What have I done? What the hell have I done wrong? What crime did I commit in this life or the past? God I ask you that? Today I am really really angry not at anything but fate itself.
What have I done wrong? What is my fault in this? The why the fuck do I have to suffer?

Since the day I met this girl all I did was care about her. When I met her I had no one but I was happy in my life, and I met this girl at first I never thought much about it, but Yes I must admit I was taken a back but her broken smile, to me she had so much to say in her eyes ( and yet she covered her eyes in lenses which I hated.) People tell me I have enchanting eyes, but trust me she has the world in hers. I was in love the moment those brown eyes looked into me the first time. And yet I was baffled. And her lips, more like her smile, to me it was a broken smile that said so much about her, where she had been and what she felt. Her black hair that she hated is as dense as the desert sand, beautiful. And I would love to run my fingers through them. What I feel in love the most was none of these things, it wasn't her hair, or her eyes, or her smile, to me it was how she made me feel. The first time she walked into the house, I somehow knew it was for a while. And I secretly wished that she would never leave. I knew I was in love with her. I was in love with her, she was the cutest thing I had come across and I somehow she knew she had my heart. Even I didn't know it would be this way. I didn't know what the futur had for me and her, I really didnt want to know I was so happy in the present with her that I really didn't care. It really didn't matter to me, I was in love and I had learnt to care about something else much more than me, to me all of a sudden life had a new meaning, it was to keep her happy it was to keep her away form being sad and it was to keep her tears away.

Yes I know somewhere along the way I lost it all, I know I have hurt her too by my actions and I know that I could not be half the man she wanted me to be. I know I didnt give her the things she needed to have and maybe we both lost our way I dont know.

All I know is I dont deserve this. I really don't. This is so so unfair. What have I really done? I have only loved her. I have never cheated on her, never even had the iontentions to infact. I have never lied to her, it seems impossible, but really I never have. There was not one night when she didnt have food, or comfort. I held her each night that we were together even though we fought. I tursted her no matter what the world said to me, and I still somehow do, maybe love is blind I dont know. I kissed her each morning, and always told her I loved her more than she did. Yes I never bought flowers, or cards, or went for a movie or did a lot of romantic things I am sorry.

But why do I have to suffer? Why do I have to still ahve tears in me for her? What did I do wrong? Pleople believe in Karma, and that we pay for our lives in this life itself, so God where the fuck is the Justice? Why do I ahve to suffer? What did I do? What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? I want to know? I really want to know God? Did I not show her that i wanted her for life? Did I love her less? If so I dont think I can love anyone more.
What did I do? What the hell did I do to deserve this life and this pain? I have never hurt anyone, even my ex girlfriends I have never tried to intentinally hurt anyone I ahve always been an honest person and I ahve always been true to the poeple i care about.
What di I do wrong to deserve this what did I do?
What did I do?

Whenever she cried I was there to wipe her tears, then when I have tears why is there no one? Why is there no one? Why is this so unfair? Don't I have feelings? Doesn't she have any feelings? I know her feelings died for me long before she left me, but doesn't the time we shared mean anything to her, it sickens me to think that the time we spent together means nothing to her, it makes me lose my faith in love and live itself, tha peopel can be so cold and so indifferent. Maybe some people have more emotions than others, maybe some people feel love and life a lot more than others. Others maybe just go thru life to name emotions and dont really feel them. I dont know, but it really destroys my faith in love and life. More than anything I feel betrayed, and let down, cause the only thing I believed in for so long the only thing I cared about, the only thing that I thought wont let me down, eventually became astray. I now even find it hard to even believe in anything, or in myself, cause I have started to doubt me after that, I had all my faith and all my beliefs in her, in the fact that I was too loved in return and that I was too card about in return. I was so wrong. Where should I look for faith in life now, or faith in love now?
How can one say life is fair?