God have mercy on me

...before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we've learned as we've
moved toward that dream. That's the point at which most people give up. It's the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one 'dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.' "Every search begins with beginner's luck. And every search ends with the victor's being severely tested." The boy remembered an old proverb from his country. It said that the darkest hour of the night came just before the dawn.

-Pg 74 The Alchemist

God have mercy on me. Please God have mercy on me. I really can't take this anymore. This is much more painful than anything else, I am sure even death is less painful, atleast death comes and takes one away, then all the pain and suffering is over, but this way there is only pain and suffering and it just doesn't stop, it just doesnt get any easier. Its been over a hundred days and I am still the same. God don't test me like this I am not that strong. I am not that strong. You showed me so much happiness why did you take it all away.

You took my grandma and I couldn't even say bye to her, I was in school, and couldn't even see her. You gave my Mom hell after that I never complained. You took my Grandpa away and I was strong thru it all, and I still didnt complain. I only asked you why once and then I left my life to you. You let my Dad down and put him thru a hard time and I still didnt complain I still believed life had better days for us all. I left my Mom and Dad and all my family and have lived most life on my own searching for someone to call my own, searching for someone who I would never have to part with. You know me God I am created by you, just like everyone else, so then why did you make me so sensitive and so emotional when you had to separate me form everyone in my life? When all you have done to me made me find people who I really love deeply and then always make me part from them? How do I see that this life is fair? I am the weakest with my heart and you always hurt me there? What lessons you want from me God. What do you want from me? This is not fair this is not fair at all.

I am not that strong God, please take me away form this world, I dont want to stand any more of your tests. I dont want to go thru another day in this world on my own, I have been lonely enough, and I dont want to go thru life this way. I know I ave lost the one person who I loved the most now I dont want to live. Take me away somehow, I dont want to wake up tomorrow, please make tonite the last. I am sorry I give up. PLease take me away, take me away where I have no feelings.